part 7 continued

I can't count how many appearances I made inside the family courthouse, only to have my heart crushed more each time I came and exited. 

It was time for my son to start preschool, and the judge had ordered for my parents as well as myself, explore both options about school. We were instructed to go together to look at the school of her choice, and the school of mine. Well, I actually did as I was asked, but my mother didn't and when I told the judge, there was no consequences handed to her for failure to follow court orders.

There is no way to explain what was really taken place, other than corruption at it's finest. That is the only way I can explain it, because in reality, I know that's what was going on.

I had called child protective services so many times, for them to only never go and really investigate. They took my calls as if I was only calling in spite, but in reality I had a very real reason to be calling, but they never interfered and protected my child, like they were obligated too.

My son was around 4 or 5 years old, and I had learned that my brother who was probably around 15 or 16 at the time was actually showering with my son. My stomach had turned at the information, and I was livid. I had called my parents and told them under no circumstances was that to happen ever again, and I could tell in the sound of her voice that she was laughing it off, like it was no big deal.

I mean, that's fucking weird and I didn't even bath with my child, so why in the hell would my brother physically take a shower with him? So, I called cps and talked to them on the phone, and I will never forget the conversation between us.

I actually told them about my brother showering with my son and how uncomfortable I was with that occurring and literally, no shit, the cps worker told me that it was no big deal and that my brother and son had a special bond. I felt sick to my stomach.

Shortly after I had made that call to cps, my parents took my son and left the county. I would now be even farther away from my son. At the sound of hearing that, I instantly dropped to my knees and cried. I remember hitting the floor with my fist over and over again. I was thinking to myself what the fuck was I going to do?

Once my parents got settled in the new county, my son began to change. I was really worried about his mental and physical well being. He was going around saying that he wanted to commit suicide and I had never heard a child say something like this, so a red flag went straight up in my head.

I again contacted cps over how my son was behaving and told them I believed that my son was being sexually molested, and in response was saying he wanted to commit suicide and I was scared that my son would really attempt it. Nothing ever got done and no investigation was ever opened up with this accusation. 

I was having a hard time holding myself together and being strong for my children. I didn't want them to see me broken, but I was beyond broken, I was shattered to a million little pieces. 

I felt so hopeless, and the only ounce of hope that I could hold onto was the fact, that with my parents now being in a different county, I had the chance to have a new judge hear my case, which meant it could have a different outcome than as before.

I began to gather all my evidence up, and my witnesses to everything that had all occurred over the years and began to prepare myself to go in front of the judge to plead and beg for him to see the truth.

I would have to wait for awhile for that day to arrive. In the meantime, I spent as much time as I possibly could with my son. 

**to be continued**